Phantom Ink: Masqueraaaade!

Disclaimer: If you have not read or seen the Phantom of the Opera in some form or fashion, then this post will probably be more confusing than interesting. Anyway, here's another blog about ink. Read on if you must.

General Inspiration

My latest tattoo was inspired by Andrew Lloyd Webber's The Phantom of the Opera.  In 1986, Andrew Lloyd Webber blessed the world with his broadway musical version of the Gaston Leroux novel about the scary man with a mask - who happens to be a genius of music, engineering, and other stuff - running about the Opera Populaire, scaring and killing people as he coaches the soprano, Christine Daae. Yes, that was my run-on sentence summary of the story; too bad, that's all I've got at the moment. Anyway, a more interesting and historically significant note about the show, it became the longest-running Broadway show in 2006, with its 10,000th show on Broadway occurring in 2012 ("Andrew Lloyd Webber, n.d.).

About the Lyrics

In the show, the song, "Masquerade," is performed at, yes, a masquerade ball. You can watch a version of it performed here: Masquerade on Stage. You can also check out the lyrics here: Masquerade Lyrics. The first few chorus lines, "Masquerade, paper faces on parade. Masquerade, hide your face so the world will never find you" are also performed by the Phantom in his sorrow at the end of the performance when he decides to let his muse, love, and stalker victim (riiiight?) go free with her love interest, Raoul. You can see that scene here: Phantom of the Opera: Final Scene. Note: The Phantom sings the actual lines from "Masquerade" at about 11:00 minutes. However, feel free to watch the whole scene for added emotion.

The Ink

So, if you have not figured it out by now, I selected a line from the lyrics...

"Masquerade, hide your face so the world will never find you."

I chose this line because I feel it really does remind me of me. All of my life, I have lived in the shadow of my own perfectionism. I wore an emotional mask to hide the depression and anger that lived within me. This mask helped me to cope with the outside world, a world that I felt compelled to constantly please with whatever skills or talents I possessed to feel accepted. Eventually, the mask did me no good, and I fell off of the cliff of demise built by my own desire to be everything and anything to everyone else, losing myself in the process.

Now, the mask is more frequently off, and I am able to deal with the ones I choose to wear, the world must deal with the real monster that is ME. :) This line from "Masquerade" illustrates how I see myself in life. I used to see wearing a mask as a bad thing, but in a sense, we all adapt ourselves to a certain degree depending on the situation we're in at the moment. By getting inked with these lyrics, I do not intend to perpetuate the notion of hiding behind my own masks, but serves as a reminder that in the end, it's all about being who you are, whether you're wearing an emotional/social mask or not. Each one of us has a collection of these masks: we all throw on the employee mask, the significant other mask, the friend mask, the parent mask, the teacher mask from time to time. For me, it's a matter of knowing what mask I'm wearing at the time and what the consequences (good and bad) are for doing so. The be-yourself mask is best, in my opinion, but easier said than done, for many.

The first phase.

Interesting Tidbits Around the Ink...

• The week I was considering getting this tattoo, I was shopping for wines at Grapes a Wine Store and the store owner suggested a new white wine called "Incognito." The emblem on the bottle is a white mask that looks like the Phantom's mask.

• The tattoo artist I contacted at Tattoos by Butler is known for his lettering skills. His name is Angel, one of the nicknames of the Phantom of the Opera. Please check him out if you're on the Big Island looking to get a tattoo with some awesome script lettering.

• In the final scene where the Phantom sings these lines, he is usually singing to the scary musical monkey with the cymbals. When I was growing up, I had a similar scary monkey toy that freaked me out - I kept it hidden in my grandparents' front room closet, but strangely, I would regularly go in there and sing to him. Far from anything dramatic and operatic, I sang the Monchichis theme song to him.

• When the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack came out (we had the cassette tape), I was intrigued by the vocal skills of the performers and loved the layers of music and song that were woven together at various points in the play. My brother and I used to try and belt out some of those notes... and we still do! Hah!

Have you gorged yourself at last in your lust for [ink]?

Yup, another reference to the score. Only dorks like me would get that. Now to get rid of those love handles so I can add on more!

 

‘Iwa Ink: Coincidence?

A quick post about the ink again. What a coincidence (or not) that just days after getting inked with my manu ‘iwa tattoo, I would see one soaring above me in Kailua Kona. I have not seen them for years, yet, one appeared in the bright blue sky right above me. How cool is that?!!

‘Iwa Ink Update... and Approval!

So, it's done. It took a little over an hour to complete and I am really happy with the results.

If you've read my prior blog entry regarding this design, it's based on some moments of my life growing up with my grandfather. I hope that those who read that blog entry understood the deep meaning behind this design and the reason for selecting it for (a part of) this tattoo. After having the tattoo done tonight, I can add a little more to this depth to the story...

My grandfather's Hawaiian name is "Kauakanilehua." It is a reference to the Kanilehua rains that fall in Hilo, and translated further, it's technically "the rain that makes noise in the lehua (trees)." For us, it represented that moment when you can hear sound of rain approaching... If you've lived in Hilo long enough, you will understand what I mean. If you've danced hula and performed "Hilo Hanakahi" or any Hilo song mentioning the Kanilehua rain, you'll get it in this format: "make the rain, clap, make the flowers."

After getting inked up tonight, I took my tattoo-session-moral-supporter best friend to dinner for some comfort food - KHOP! Shortly after being seated, we heard rain starting to fall outside and, eventually, a downpour. All I could think of was, "Papa knows that I got the tattoo... and I think (I hope) this means that he approves." Very soon after that, the rain stopped. Like the ‘iwa birds served as a sign to my grandfather, perhaps the rain itself has now become a sign of him.

Thank you to Brady at 202 Tattoo in Hilo for providing his pro inking skills to make my design a reality. I am looking forward to finishing the art for this chest/shoulder piece and coming back to see you.

Thank you Shari for being a part of another adventure in the tattoo world and for keeping me company during the session. You're next (again).

Still smiling through the pain... NAH, no pain!

First glance of the new tattoo!

‘Iwa Ink?

When the black silhouettes of the ‘iwa (great frigate bird) appeared over my grandparents' house, I would stare at them in awe, thinking that they were some kind of pterodactyl that somehow escaped the fate of the other dinosaurs. Never flapping their wings, I wondered how they were up there. There was usually more than one, so you can imagine the scenes of some cheesy sci-fi thriller, "When Pterodactyls Attack" that would play through my mind. Eventually my grandfather would explain to me that they were birds (wow, really?) and were harbingers of something at sea, most likely a storm which had driven them inland. Fast-forward a couple of decades after the Internet became available to us all, I eventually discovered, thanks to Google, that these birds will spend most of their lives at sea and in flight, close to their homes, usually landing only to incubate eggs and all that good stuff you would likely see as a part of the Nat Geo special for any avian episode.

It has been many years since I have seen one of these effortlessly riding the winds high above, but the next time that I do, I will make sure to scream, "pterodactyl!" for old time's sake. Just kidding. I will look at them in a different light, with a new respect and appreciation for them. My grandfather saw these birds as a sign of something in the distance, something in the near and very possible future. I will wear them as a reminder to myself to heed the signs in life, namely those events that just feel like they're from God. They will be reminders to be attentive, receptive, and aware of things around me. Nā hō‘ailona. (Pay attention, Nic!)

Side note... ‘iwa is a Hawaiian term that means "thief" due to this bird's methods of stealing food from other seabirds. Not always in a negative frame of reference, this concept was also used as a descriptor for Kamehamehaʻs union of the Hawaiian Islands. And... Not that there is any coincidence for my inclusion of this symbol in my design, but how's this ‘olelo no‘eau:

"He ‘iwa ho‘ohaehae nāulu."

It translates into "a frigatebird that teases the rainclouds." It's kaona or hidden meaning is reference to a handsome man which arouses jealousy in others. If you've ever seen ‘iwa in flight, they are pretty impressive, their large wingspans and effortless glide on the wind make for a stately appearance. I doubt I evoke the same kind of emotion when I walk by others. *insert awkward silence*

So now, we shall see if my financial and pain threshold abilities will allow for this to happen.

Here comes 32.

When I was in my early twenties, I declared that I would accomplish a handful of things by the time I reached 30 years of age. Tonight is the eve of my 32^nd birthday and I must admit that out of the three... wait, four... goals that I set for myself a decade ago, I've only accomplished a single one in my 30^th year. A few months before my 31^st birthday, I found myself practicing my signature over and over again on pieces of scratch paper, preparing for the signing of mortgage and title documents. I even selected the pen with which I would sign my name. March 31, 2012 will go down in history as the day that I started my journey through the myriad of emotions that come with home ownership. Regardless, the mental and financial anguish of purchasing and owning a home cannot overcome the pride, excitement and joy of waking up each morning and thinking, "this is my house that I shall make into my home, each and every single day." I'd like to take this time to thank Home Depot for carrying a million color choices on free color sample card. I would also like to thank the creators of Allure vinyl plank flooring.

So, what about those other as yet unfulfilled goals? My 30^th birthday came and went, and so did those goals, well, at least for a while. I sulked in defeat, just for a little, after turning 30. However, the pouty phase eventually wore off and so what if I was 31 when it occurred, I did don a cap and gown once again - this time with a hood, sash, and cords - and survived another commencement exercise that marked my completion of a Master of Arts degree. This leaves two more of those four goals unchecked on the to-do list of my life. With the 30-years-old age deadline on these goals automatically lifted as of July 11, 2012, I have no choice but to make an exception to my self-imposed timeframe and to issue myself a supplemental agreement to extend time of performance (if you've done government procurement and contracting, you should probably get that, bonus if you laughed!). With time not waiting for my accomplishments to occur, my only two options are to 1) give up on those goals, and 2) keep trudging on toward them. Selecting option 1 will lead to a breach of contract, and that would be bad, so I am leaning toward selecting option 2 (Ha-ha-ha, more contracting lingo - so clever, huh?).

I am writing about this not to keep you, the reader, in suspense until I reveal the *gasp* remaining goals of my life. No, that is not the intent, and I probably will not even tell you what they are in this post. What I will tell you is that, as I get older, I feel like I am becoming more skilled at composing goals in business-like fashion, almost with documented action plans and logic models tracking my planned and actual progress toward outputs and outcomes. Hey, actually, that does not seem like such a bad idea; segue to the "Joys of OCD" blog post. On the contrary, what seems to matter more to me now is the fact that I have set these goals for myself and construct general plans to work toward them, not so much the accomplishment of the goal itself or the timeframe in which it should occur. These are not your run-of-the-mill "I will lose 5 pounds" type of goals, but goals that will take emotional and financial endurance like none other. Tomorrow morning, after I wake up, I will ask myself, "Am I ready to tackle working toward these goals?" Well, not before wishing myself a very happy birthday, of course. Okay, I think I’ll have my morning coffee before asking myself that. Actually, I should probably wait to see how my workday goes, too...

There is only one unaccomplished goal in my life that I can attach to the excuse of, "too late for that," and that would be the winning of a gymnastics medal. They don't hold competitions for gymnasts who mount their floor exercise routine with a cartwheel. Sadly, I don't think I could do a cartwheel now if I tried to; this is a sad thought knowing that I could once cover an entire basketball court with a array of handsprings, layouts and twists. Other than this one goal, I am pretty convinced that these other "big" goals that I have consciously (re)placed on my to-do list are achievable goals that are things that I want and things that I am confident about accomplishing.

I came across a quote from author Harvey MacKay online today:

           

            "A dream is just a dream. A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline."  

I think that many of us allow our dreams die when we become engulfed with the "regular" things we need to do in our lives - parenting, working, cleaning, etc. - or just because we permit ourselves to become too lazy to work toward making a dream into a goal, and becoming even more lazy when it’s time to carry out the plan to achieve that goal. No matter where you are in life, I think it’s important to keep on dreaming and to keep on creating goals from your dreaming. Working with older individuals (a.k.a. “senior citizens” or “elderly”), I see lives being lived with vivacity and fervor by 70-or-80-plus year-olds. Some of our County’s “seniors” in the local line dance classes could probably out-dance me at a shindig. They are living actively despite the biological and sociological barriers that nag at them because they continue to dream, continue to set goals, and continue to thrive. Because they want to and believe that they can. They remind me that at this age, I really have no excuse to be a bundle of defeat.

The goals that still linger in my head are there because they are the products of a dream or two that I am holding onto. I have set some loose guidelines and timelines for them (again!), but will be a little more flexible than I was before; life happens, right? Who knows, they may happen tomorrow, for all I know. I just hope that my family and close friends are ready for a spur-of-the-moment wedding ceremony and reception. Just kidding. Simmer down, folks. That was just a mere example for illustrative purposes. J

Thanks for reading. If you understood, well, thanks for that, too!

Have an amazing day, everyone. God bless y’all!

P.S. Not a totally impressive goal, but here’s a little side story related to a goal I set when I was in high school:

In 1995, Honda Motor Company’s “luxury” division launched the Acura TL sedan. It sported the clean and perfectly balanced lines and build of the Honda lineup of the time, complete with frameless glass windows and yellow fog lights integrated into the headlamps (only true import junkies of that era will understand the “coolness” factor there). I requested a brochure from the Acura dealership in Honolulu as a visual reminder that I would someday drive an Acura TL. I held onto that brochure since then and trashed it only a few years ago.

That someday finally came. I have driven a 1997 Acura TL for the past few years thanks to a lucky buy through a family friend. It looks just like the one that I used to admire on that brochure.

Talk about being patient with a goal.

Heartache and backache.

I love to do my own commentary when I watch gymnastics on television. It's not that Tim Daggett and Elfie Schlaegel are not doing a good job, I just enjoy my fresh bluntness topped with fine profanity where applicable. Okay, so I am technically not qualified to do commentary at the olympic level, but I know good gymnastics when I see it. However, I am saying this as I lay in bed dealing with some problems with my lower back. Forget gymnastics, I could barely ambulate around my house today. Pretty. Darn. Sad.

When I was 10 years old I had already become self taught in the year or so prior in moves like back handsprings and back tuck somersaults. I joined Hilo Gymnastics Club and trained with some old guy as my coach... I can't even remember his name, or wait, I don't think I ever knew it. A few years later I switched to Pacific Gymnastics until I was 16 or so, and then "retired" at the Pantheon School of Gymnastics with some of my friends in the "adult class." I went to college and got fat in my first year sans formal gymnastics, but, joined the now-extinct University of Hawai‘i at Hilo Vulcan Cheerleading squad in 2001. I tumbled and stunted for three years, becoming coach/captain in my senior year. I also coached gymnastics students for a year back at the Pantheon School of Gymnastics and officially ended participation in any form of the sport at the age of 24.

Fast forward to the age of 30.975. The aftermath of years of flipping, twisting, crashing, stretching, splitting, spraining, straining, and hand-standing have caught up with me. I remember the first time my lower back gave out two years ago as I was doing sit-ups on an incline at the fitness center. I crawled to the aerobics room and lay there in pain and shock. Over the last two years I have had numerous recurrences (like this weekend) where I am rendered almost unable to walk or sit without major effort and chance of major pain if I make a wrong move. Almost makes me feel pathetic as I criticize the bent knees in that guy's Stalders on high bar or that girl's lack of a full 180 degree split in her balance beam mount. I. Cannot. Do. A. Cartwheel. Anymore.

I miss the sport. Heck, I miss just being able to touch my toes! But what I really miss is my physical health. I know that gymnastics will always be a passion of mine, but I have come to terms with the passage of time and have claimed my spot as a spectator. I do hope to work on being healthy and fit and flexible again, despite the physical problems that I have incurred. I guess I took my fitness for granted all those years at the peak of my physical capabilities. I refuse to declare that "I am just getting old." Tell that to 1991 floor exercise world champion, Oksana Chusovitina, who participated in 5 olympic games and ended her career as the 2008 olympic champion on vault in Beijing at the age of 33!

So enough laying in bed and anti-inflammatories. The least that I can do for myself is regain my physical health through gradual exercises and therapy (sorry, Shaun T., no more Insanity for a while!) and get away from these backaches once and for all! Off to drill my chiropractor for more tips in fixing my body.

BTW, congratulations to the 2012 olympic men and women's U.S. gymnastics teams! Te trials are through and I think we have some great athletes going to London. They are not immune to my snooty commentary, however! :) Check 'em out here: http://www.nbcolympics.com/team-usa/athletes/sport=gymnastics/index.html

Back to blogging

Here I am. Back at it. I have a lot to share/say and no outlet to do so... so I've decided to see if I can keep at this blogging thing. We shall see if this is the last post for 2012 or not, haha!

I recently signed up for a Wordpress account because one of my friends have started using that for their organization's site. I really have not played with it enough, but I am just wondering if maybe there are better blogging sites out there. Not that it would matter, really, because, how fancy could one really stand to have their blog be?

Well, hope to post again soon!

The Lexus IS of the Computer World

It's been a while since my last post here... but this new iMac is just making me want to do everything online so much more than before. I picked up the base 21.5" iMac - the smallest of the best. So superior to a Windows machine on the inside and outside. I'd consider this all-in-one desktop to be like the Lexus IS series of the computer world.

I've already hooked up my keyboard controller and played on Garageband for a bit earlier. I can't wait to try out the HD webcam on Skype and play some games on here. Oh, I forgot to mention, this computer was purchased with my excess financial aid; I bought it to do my online Master's program... and apparently, other things, too!

Next thing - the iPad 2... just for fun!

The Nic House Project - Episode 2 - The Initial Meeting

The Waiting...

After a mix-up with the location of our meeting, I finally got to talk face-to-face with the contractor that my friend had referred me to. I'm working with a team from Hilo-based company, Dennis Delfin Contracting. They seem like a really good team for such an important life project, and I am glad to have met with them today. Oh, and how very typical "Hilo," Dennis is my dad's classmate. Of course... :)

The Questions and Answers

The draftsman (Clint) went on his merry way asking questions. I don't know if I was very good with the answers. :( Yikes.

Clint: Slab or post & pier?

Nic: Slab cuz it looks nicer. (I refrained from an extended answer including cobwebs and weeds...)

Clint: What kind of roof?

Nic: Regular...? OH! The kind where extending would be easy if I needed to extend later on.

Clint: What kind of ceilings?

Nic: Umm, not open beam but not flat

Clint: Flat ceilings are cheapest

Nic: Okay, flat. Plus, I can reach the light bulbs, right?

Clint: Cesspool or septic?

Nic: *blank stare* Ummm...

Clint: I'll research that.

Clint: What kind of car do you have?

Nic: *Points to the parking lot* That white one. Nissan.

Clint: Okay. Maybe 5 feet plus 3 feet on each side in the garage?

Nic: Sure. Sounds good.

Clint: What kind of counters?

Nic: Silestone? I saw them at Home Depot

Clint: Okay. Granite is better...

Nic: But, more expensive? Okay, granite!

Clint: We'll figure out your allowances for each feature in the home like the counters.

Nic: Oh, I would show you my scary spreadsheet, but... never mind.

Project Location

I made a quick (and motion-sickness-inducing) video on my lunch break to show the team where things would be as far as driveway and house placement. Not sure if it helped, but you can watch my little video if you want. I also gave them some photos just in case the video was just too.. crappy. :)

What's Next?

After the research is done by the draftsman as to where things are under the ground and how the project will pan out as far as expenses and material allowances, the next step would be getting permits acquired, financing secured and have my spreadsheet of expense allocations fine-tuned - I'm talking serial numbers and measurements for televisions, furniture, you name it! :) We'll save that for another episode.

Praying that the project quote comes within my budget...

Thanks, Dennis, Clint & Keola for a good meeting and for making me feel comfortable with such a large (and expensive) project!

The Nic House Project - Episode 1 - I'm Limited

Research/Calculation Time!

I am definitely putting my brain to work calculating scenarios for the building of a home on my parents' lot (see image to the left). I should actually say I am exercising my Microsoft Excel spreadsheet and ten-key skills figuring out loan payments and allowances for modifications and even appliances. If you know me - I gotta have a well-calculated decision before I commit. All I know so far is that our lot's zoning is qualified for an ‘ohana permit which allows a second, separate house to be built on the same lot.

Floor Plans

I've researched floor plans for 2 and 3 bedroom house floor plans from several local companies and have narrowed it down to something like this 2 bedroom floor plan.

If I stick to this design, I am planning to modify the garage to be 1/2 the size and include a bathroom in place of the laundry room... I shall figure out the laundry room thing later. Luckily, an open house for this exact model home was available for public viewing a few weeks ago and I really liked the layout of the rooms. It's small but it's more than enough for me. If I ever need more space, can you say, "extension?" Right now, budget drives my limits, but I really like the placement of the rooms in this model and it would fit nicely on my lot without having any windows peering back into my parents' windows.

Here's the edited floor plan that I made in Photoshop:

The Home Depot Wanderer

Last week I visited the Home Depot and walked around - always calculating - and checked out kitchen counters and cabinets and flooring and doors and windows and... everything! Too many choices = lots of time spent. I think I walked around for almost 2 hours but I got to talk to one of the staff about kitchen installations. Lots of good information from him - thanks... dude (forgot his name)!

Although I love the Home Depot, I think the first matter to tend to would be the actually house structure - after that's built I might not even have the money for Silestone counters and quiet-shut cabinet drawers that I was draw to that day... This leads me to the creation of a prioritization list for my home.

Prioritizing the Non-Priorities

1. Laminate wood floors for living and bedroom areas

2. Tiles in kitchen/bathroom areas

3. Silestone seamless kitchen and bathroom counters

4. Vaulted ceilings

Those are the main things I would add/modify if there were enough resources left within my budget after everything else was built.

Taking Action

Well, I ain't building this house myself, so I am arranging to meet with a local contractor/builder company in the next two weeks or so. He seems like a great guy to work with and has been very helpful so far in just the two days I've talked and e-mailed with him. We shall see what comes of our initial project meeting. Thank you to my buddy Lisa for referring me to him.

More to come as this project moves along!

I Do Believe... I Have Been Changed for the Better

Click below for a Soundtrack to this blog

Wicked Soundtrack - "For Good"

This is the song that triggered the topic of this blog. You might want to "right click - open in a new tab" so you don't lose this page. Sorry, was too lazy to put in fancy HTML that is not readily available in my "techy" lexicon.

I'm Limited... You Can Do All I Couldn't Do.

Standards. For ourselves. If you're anything like me, the pinnacles of your own standards are out of view because they're just too darn high. For me, (and maybe you, too, if you can relate to the previous sentence) I've set standards that seem to laugh at me from somewhere up there, from the high peak upon which they sit. If they could talk, they'd probably be saying something like, "Doofus, you can't reach us... or even see us! Mwuahaha *evil music plays here*!" But then, they're so high-in-the-sky that I don't hear 'em at all.

Yup, this is me. I've come a long way in accepting that I have limits and that it's okay. I'm limited. And there will be people better than me in all aspects of life. They can do things I can't do. I along with many other people (I am assuming?) fail to accept this. Fortunately, it's simply resolved by taking a step back from that high tower of standards piercing the upper stratosphere and taking a glance at them - at yourself - from a distance.

My worst enemy holds these standards way up there. His name is Perfectionism. He makes me tired when I don't feel like I should be. He makes me spend extra time on things that should take seconds. He makes me appear to have OCD tendencies (no offense to anyone). However, through the years I have come to accept him as the one who presents me with the life challenges to prove myself to be unlimited. I am continually gaining understanding of how much this "characteristic" of mine is actually contributing to some of my better qualities. I just need to remember those qualities and find more of them. And, he also reminds me that all the things other people can do, they really don't matter; maybe I can do all I couldn't do - if I try.

I rely on others in my life to push me over the tougher peaks and drag me through the deeper valleys of my love-hate relationship with good ol' Perfectionism. Becoming a better person, I have found, is a choice you need to make and take action on. However, we are a societal species, so interaction with others, both good and bad, are important catalysts for our self-improvement.

Because I Knew You...

My friends, my enemies, my coworkers, my bosses... my evil bosses. They've all played a part in the creation of ME. Yup, even if I disliked you from day one, trust me, you've given me a piece of life that I would not have experienced with anyone else. So with this I say, "Thank You."

"Like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the woods." Conflict creates beautiful things in the world around us; conflict is a natural occurrence. Valleys, rivers, beaches, even diamonds, are all products of conflicting forces and elements. If we could see the people who have caused us hurt in life in this same light, we might spend less time bulking about bad relationships, fights and mutual misunderstandings. Easier said than done? Errr, ask me again later. :)

Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes the sun. For the good people we meet, hopefully we are attracted to them and make them a positive inclusion in our lives. They teach us things about life and about ourselves and we hope to keep these people at our sides for a lifetime. They serve as constant reminders of how we continually grow and improve - and gain positive things in life because of our own action of simply living!

I Have Been Changed for Good

Going back to my friend Mr. Perfectionism, well... he sometimes acts like the little red incarnation of a "devil" sitting on my shoulder, whispering negative hullabaloo into my ear and just making me upset about things in life that I don't like or don't agree with. I'm almost 30 years old and I am finally standing up to him on a regular basis when he is in this mode.

Our lives are like stories that are being written by the nanosecond. The only thing is, there's no editing. What you see is what you get and there's no going back to do spell-checks or censoring. We live with what we're dealt, whether good or bad. This is where it's a matter of what we perceive and what we accept. I think this is something I and probably most of you would like to work on a little more each day, huh? It's okay. Accept it. We are limited, but, only if we allow ourselves to be.

For all of the people I have met in my life, I do believe I have been changed for the better... Because I knew you I have been changed for good.

Afterthoughts...

This blog should be labeled as "babble" but then again, the blog as a whole is from the COMPLICATED BRAIN of NIC... so, if you read this far. Yippeee, you're complicated like me! :)

One Year, a Few Inches, a Few Pounds... A Lot Happier

April 1, 2009 - April 1, 2010...

One year ago, my friends and I decided we were not happy with our physical selves. So, we did some research on various exercises like the Abs Power Diet and various videos from Tony Horton and Jessica Smith, among others. Our afternoons were spent trying to follow along with these videos without cracking up at the instructors - and ourselves.

We did a lot of research on eating habits and different food types. I am typing this at Starbucks now enjoying a reduced-fat turkey bacon and egg white sandwich on a whole wheat and a Naked Superfood Green Machine smoothie... But, it's Easter and my friend decided to bless me with Reese's peanut butter egg candy. :) But, aside from this little "cheat," in general, I have changed my grocery list to include things like whole wheat breads, baby spinach, grilled chicken, protein powder and soy milk. Gone are my days of daily 7-Eleven breakfast scramble bentos and hot dog musubi. I miss them sometimes. Not often, though.

At my heaviest, I was 173 pounds this past winter - the heaviest I've ever been. I think this was the peak of the first phase of my transformation where fat and muscle were battling for residence on my body. Well, getting to the point of this blog... as you've seen in the photo above, I weighed in at 160 pounds on April 1, 2009 and 154 pounds a year later. This is not a very significant loss considering it's been a whole year since "starting" a healthier lifestyle, but I've seen changes in more than just my weight that are much more significant.

I currently have less clothes to choose from in my closet - and if any of you know me, my bedroom is like Macy's Men's department... three racks of clothes, a dresser of shirts, and a bunch of drawers containing socks, board shorts and my gym clothes. For years I've been a size 32 waist. Today I am a 29-30 waist and no longer have a bulge of tummy fat over my belt on workdays. I am glad I kept some of the smaller shirts I used to wear when I was still doing gymnastics - from the "skinny days."

My weight loss in the past year was not that significant, but hopefully you can see in the photo and by my measurements, that there was more to my healthy changes than just monitoring pounds. A lot of people focus on just what the scale says, but the changes go way beyond that. For anyone thinking about starting a healthier lifestyle, I suggest using things like your general energy levels, how your clothes fit, and even your general happiness as gauges for your improvements. I don't mind if I still weight more than I'd like to if I can fit into all of my nice board shorts again.

At 154 pounds, I am about 10 pounds away from my goal weight. I can't wait to get to the gym tomorrow morning and get to working on toning up - yes, I want a six-pack!!! Who doesn't? Haha! This is the second "phase" of my fitness lifestyle: tone up!

Thank you to the following supporters...

To my life-long friends Jodi and Nichole for getting me motivated to get going in the first place and for exploring all those fitness DVDs and articles with me.

To the folks at Spencer Fitness for not laughing at me when I slip on the treadmill or start singing along and dancing to my iPod songs.

To my Mom for sponsoring some of my meals and for making conscious decisions to eat healthier with me - I can't wait for lunch tomorrow!

To the great people at Island Naturals for providing me with great, healthy food choices.

To my brothers and sister for all being in-shape, good-looking people, thereby allowing me to label myself as "the fat ugly one" (no, really... it was a good push to get in shape! hehehe!)

To my friend Ian for giving me fitness tips and motivation and for helping me find a healthier, happier spirit.

To all my Facebook friends who have cheered me along this far.

To my little Squishy for always being a constant reminder of how simple things can make a big impact in our daily lives... much more than we usually think.

And finally, but most importantly, to God for giving me the people, energy, willpower and resources to make everything possible.

Poem: Ducklings & Bread

A friend once gave me a little fortune/horoscope thing that said I should follow where love takes me, like a little duckling. To remind me to be less of a butt-head, I bought myself a little stuffed animal duckling to keep in my car.

In the past half-year or so, I've done just that... follow along like a little duckling. And the following poem should give you an idea of how this metaphor has played out in my life so far.

In advance...thank you for reading.



Ducklings & Bread


Little duckling in the lake
Swim on over and get your take
Feast on as much as you like
A loaf of bread, come take a bite

Come in closer and I can see
You’re as cute as a duck can be
‘Whaaap!’ I kick you just because
Off run in a puff of fuzz

Away into the water you run
Upset that I had ruined the fun
Of partaking in this yummy treat
Quickly you paddle your tiny feet

Look, I’m still throwing bread
You reconsider your swim ahead
Around you turn and now you know
It’s not really how you thought it so

When you felt the thud of my heel
Pain wasn’t what I meant you to feel
It was to guide you another way
“Look, a bigger piece!” what I meant to say

Now you know I meant the best
Despite the quick pain in your chest
My intentions were for you to be
Aware of all the things you can see

Now and then we need that kick
To get us seeing, get our brains to tick
To remind us that it’s fine to accept
And disallow options that might intercept

Sometimes that quick moment of pain
Is the only way that you can gain
More than just what’s in your head
A bigger piece of the bread

The throbbing pain then starts to fade
You reconsider the choice you’ve made
To run from that one tiny kick
Another try you decide to pick

You can see the next bigger piece
A grander and more robust feast
Your little feet start to scramble
Much quicker than a little ramble

To find another crumb I’ve thrown
Bigger than the one you’ve known
With a grateful grin you turn to me
I’ve shown you just how better can be

Thanking me with a little ‘quack’
For showing you a different way back
To where bigger and better lay
A piece of bread for another day



This poem is dedicated someone who has made me see
a better figure when I look in the mirror,
a better conqueror in the endeavors I dream of,
a better person in doing the simple things I love,
a better part in the lives I touch.

Thank you for kicking me to a bigger piece of bread... *quack!*

Wishing only wounds the heart...

Wishing?

Wishing and daydreaming about big things for yourself is something most normal humans do. I mean, don't you think things like "Oooh, I really wish I had a JITB Ultimate Cheeseburger right now!" or "Maybe someday I will be able to build my own home!" Well, that's good... shows you are thinking of yourself which is important - not conceited (in controlled doses!).

Action...

The lack of action makes just wishing a potentially damaging thing, as it alone will usually not suffice for Ultimate Cheeseburger production. So you jump in the car, grab some cash at the ATM and head on over to Jack in the Box. Simple enough, but, you still had to actively do it to make your calorie-packed snack (a huge one) a reality. I think this is where a lot of people get stuck or simple just don't get to in their life wishes: action: the lack of it. However, I like to have some guidelines so I don't aimlessly wander around dreamland looking for my goal and being sidetracked by things along the way. "Oh look, there it is, under that rock! Nope, just some bugs... looked like my goal.. guess not."

Goal!

Setting goals and a plan to reach bigger "wishes" is always a good thing. Well, maybe it is for me because I am a very visual person. If I can see a plan and basic path to the end goal, I am more likely to see my way to it. Setting goals is a good way to exercise (and reach) your success in life. Because our brains think in pictures, you really need to visualize your end goal to give your brain a better chance to say, "Hey, I can see it happening!" I am not gonna guarantee you a body like that lil wolf guy from The Twilight Saga: New Moon just by staring at a poster of him, but because your brain sees images, it probably does help!

As you stare at this guy on the wall, you can say "I wanna look like that." You can help things along by first changing your goal to be specific, realistic, timely - and in present tense. For example, you could say "I have a body like Jacob Black at the end of next year." Sounds like you're going backwards into simply-wishing mode, but, remembering your brain's imaged-based goal center, you can write goals in this fashion in order to create a mental photo of yourself looking like a cut-bodied human-form werewolf. The next part is to be diligent about envisioning your goal. Write your goal down daily for 21+ days straight and you just might see yourself doing little things here and there to get going to your new body.

I am sure you can find documented research on this theory I just typed about. I am just remembering something I learned at a seminar a few years back. Don't quote me on any of this... but if you wanna look it up, look for brain stuff online about forming habits and stuff about the amygdala and stuff. Fun!!! And, just so you know, an Ultimate Cheeseburger does not help you reach the goal in the scenario above.

Wishing for something is good, but it alone is like a recipe card sitting on the counter. Setting a goal towards finding a path to that wish is even better - you've read the recipe and have your ingredients! Taking action towards that goal is the frosting on the cake. The rest is up to your character and preserverence to get to that cake baked, frosted and in your stomach. (Okay weird analogy, but, too bad!)

Whatever it is I am wishing, hoping, striving for, I try to learn from the good and bad. I like to see everything I do as a lesson to myself... and possibly others.


live the life you love... love the life you live.


PS: This was a non-wedding/relationship blog! Hahaha!

PS: FYI: The title of this blog is a line from Wicked's "I'm Not That Girl"

Wedding Weekend

WEDDING WEEKEND

Most of this past weekend I spent on the west side of Hawai‘i. I was a "bride's man" in my friends' wedding party (Congrats Les & Jeff!!!). Since last week's blog was about relationships and getting married, I think it's an appropriate time to do a follow-up after attending and being a part of a wedding.

The Location

If you ever have the chance, funds, and time, the Four Seasons Resort Hualalai at Ka‘upulehu is an incredible luxury resort for a very relaxing weekend. The facilities, staff, wedding planner, food, atmosphere - just about everything - including the bathrooms, were very plush and comfortable. I believe rooms start above $500, so... bring your instant saimin, bread and bologna. :) Along with the incredible grounds, there were quite a few goats, francolin and other wild animals adding to the "Hawaiian shoreline garden" atmosphere.

The Ceremony

Sweet and simple and quick. :) The weather was perfect and everything went smoothly... except that the flower girl didn't really grasp the idea that she really DID need to throw the flowers - not just pretend. (Good job, Marissa!)

The Reception

Prime rib buffet & desserts - top notch. Nummies! I personally like the end piece with the salts and seasonings on it. ONO!

POST-WEDDING FEELINGS

Okay, so this was my first time to bear the honor of being in a wedding party and it was great. Seeing my friends exchange vows to share a lifetime together forever didn't "scare" me as much as I thought. I guess the closest experience to marriage, for me, would be buying a $30,000 truck, a relationship which ended due to financial discomfort (not unlike some human-on-human relationships, maybe? haha!). Okay, maybe the truck purchase isn't the greatest example for synonymy's sake, but, the idea of commitment for a long period of time (a lifetime is what you shoot for at a wedding) frightens me a teeeeeeeny bit. Just a bit.

I think my fears stem from my self-centered tendencies. I am sure you're all thinking, "Noooo, you're sooooo nice and blah blah blah..." If you're not thinking that, stop reading and delete me from your buddy lists IMMEDIATELY. Just kidding! :)

Okay, where was I? Oh. Yes. ME! I feel like I still haven't figured out how to take care of myself altogether, so what would make me think that I could take care of someone else in addition to needy lil me? Plus, I drive myself crazy sometimes... I don't want to have someone else deal with it, too, right? Hahaha!

That's my post-wedding feelings - not too far from my pre-wedding feelings, I guess. Oh pooh!

Marriage: Get Off My Chair!!!

My Comfy Chair

I am nearing my third decade of life and many of my friends are already married or will be getting married soon. I am currently sitting on a chair labeled "Eternal Bachelor by Choice." Maybe it's my self-centered, OCD-like qualities that keep me there, but I intend to stay in this comfy place until someone gives me a reason to budge. Continue reading for more details...

A How-To Guide to Budging Nic Off of His Chair

Well, this guide will be short and has only one major step.

1. BE HONEST.

I hear of so many relationships tarnished by marriage. I hear it can be pretty expensive to get a divorce filed and completed - I say not expensive enough. Hike up the legal fees and whatnot and maybe people will think twice about working things out.

According to Buzzle.com, the top three quoted reasons for divorce are:

• Lack of commitment to the marriage
• Lack of communication between spouses
• Infidelity

So, I've only got one step in my guide (no worries, this one step encompasses around 2,527 subsequent steps! haha!) and it looks like it's the step that people miss most often when "deciding" to get married. The first thing people ask after someone proclaims, "We're getting married next month!" would probably be something like, "Congratulations! How long have you been together?" My opinion on this: anything under 12 months is questionable but okay. Anything under 6 months - you've missed sole Step 1: BE HONEST.

Marriage is Important, Right???

Correct me if I am wrong, but, I thought that marriage is supposed to be one of the most significant life events for people? Why cheat yourself on this one just because you want to get married. Sure, there are life goals, biological clocks and personal deadlines, but something this big - supposedly spending the rest of your life with another person - seems pretty big.

Sure, I've had relationships where I thought to myself, "This is it - The one I'm gonna be with forever!" only to find myself scratching my head months later wondering where things changed. To me, one of the most important parts of marriage is the time you spend together BEFORE you decide to jump into the legal bond. This is why I think that if you skip Step 1: BE HONEST and lie to yourself about your relationship, guess what? I think you're probably gonna suffer through this marriage for a while.

Disclaimer:

All this coming from someone who chooses to be single seems ultra-biased but this is MY blog! If you read this far, thanks!

Initiate: Blog!

Blogging is like public journaling, which is supposedly healthy for your emotional well-being. I've made strides with my physical health, so here's to adding in some mental health. I've tried keeping hand-written journals before, all of them ending a few entries into the front cover - just not for me, I guess? We'll give this site a whirl.

Right now I am on a morning break with my usual yogurt. Time to post my first blog... :)